Either hate Donald Trump or try to unite the county.

Pick one.

You can’t do both.

To the incoming president and his party, the message has to be clear: You cannot simultaneously try to mend fences and throw stones.

Unity will come through partnership, not submission.

As Joe Biden has repeatedly spoken of his desire to “be the president of all Americans” and to “heal the historic rift in our country,” he has also, in those same speeches, vilified Donald Trump and, by transference, those who supported him.

That won’t work.

You don’t make friends by spitting in somebody’s face.

And while Donald Trump has, in the minds of many, gone off the rails in the last couple of months, it cannot be ignored that as recently as the beginning of November almost half of the American population approved of his presidency and wanted him kept in office.

The Democrat bigwigs may hate the policies and priorities of the Trump Administration, but a large proportion of the American public does not.

And attacks on Donald Trump are attacks on those people.

The violation of the Capitol and the tantrum over the election’s outcome do not change the fact that half of the electorate feels that the first 46 months of the Trump term were pretty darn good. So Trump attacks, day in and day out, do nothing but further alienate the some 150 million people Joe Biden says he wants to represent.

And the Democratic Party’s daily attacks on Republicans – such as the repeated claim that Republican voters are white supremacists – brings into serious question the incoming president’s sincerity.

The nation is at a crossroads, as it often seems to be these days. But at the dawn of a new administration, and with control of the United States Senate, the Democrats will find themselves deciding which way we turn. Do we tone down some of the bipartisan politics of hate, or do we double down on denunciation and demonization?

The Democrats, newly empowered, can be magnanimous and seek national unity, or they can seek vengeance and retribution, wielding the long knife while it is in their hands. Republicans can be drawn in and welcomed, or they can be marginalized further and become increasingly aggrieved.

“America United,” the theme of the Biden inauguration, doesn’t come easy or free. It comes at the cost of mutual sacrifice. Both sides need to do some honest soul searching and both sides need to do some genuine forgiving. Like Mandela coming out of prison, the slate must be clean and the forgiveness must be universal. Bygones have to be bygones and the sinister motivations of an earlier day have to be disavowed and abandoned.

The easy trick of building party unity by vilifying one’s opponent must be left in the dust.

Political involvement should be driven by love of country, not hatred of enemy.

And the tribal selfishness of identity politics – on both sides – must be laid aside.

Because the inherent division that comes from the politics of pitting people against one another ultimately serves no one. It wins elections, but it loses brotherhood, and ultimately it loses a nation.

Further, life teaches us that respect is often a reflected trait. People respect those who respect them. If there is no respect from Democrats for the Trump Administration, there will be no respect for Republicans for the Biden Administration. If the Democrats continue to be the party of mockery, they can only expect themselves to be mocked.

None of that may live up to the commandment to treat others the way we want to be treated, but human interactions don’t always rise to that godly level. More often, we work on the principle of karma – what comes around goes around.

And both sides need to start sending something better around.

Including the winning side.

America is almost evenly divided. There are no mandates, there are no margins, there are just two large blocs of neighbors who see things very differently – as their ancestors and predecessors always have. But we share a Constitution and a country, and we need to get back to playing better with others.

The Obama Administration was a time of scorn for Republicans. Disagreement with the president and his party brought condemnation and mockery. Those eight years of marginalization led to Trump, and an all-out progressive war against his administration and its supporters, and a resultant pushback by Republicans.

Now the pendulum has swung again.

And America has a chance to do better.

The president and his party will have to take the lead – to civility.

And the first step in that is to stop the attacks and the dehumanizations.

Republicans and Trump supporters are humans and Americans, neighbors and, hopefully, friends.

It’s time the Democrats started treating them that way.

And it’s time the Republicans did the same.