Writing this takes me right back to Thursday night. It was little after 5pm. We had made the decision earlier in the week. The days leading up to the end were so emotional for me. I knew that it wouldn't be easy, but I never dreamed how much losing Cosmo would physically hurt me. It seems to come in waves.
I tried to make his last days special. A couple of car rides with the windows down. A rotisserie chicken. And on the last day, I picked up a steak on the way home. We had steak for lunch. He loved steak. It will be a long time before I can eat a steak again.
I shared the news on my personal Facebook page that night. Friends and family started leaving comments. I had made the decision to work Friday morning. I don't regret working. It was helpful. I regret not talking about Cosmo on the morning show. I went the entire weekend without really talking about it with anyone.
Cosmo was back and forth between two homes most days. Getting up at 2:00 AM was the biggest factor. His health was failing the past 3 years and we made it work. He was with my child's mother at night and she'd drop him off at my house in the morning. Cosmo was there to greet me after the morning show during the week and with me much of the weekends. It worked for our divorced family. Sometimes it was hard, but we always worked at it. Cosmo was loved and we were both there at the end. We haven't really talked about it since Thursday night. I'm sure that she's hurting, too.
The first couple of nights, I was convinced he was pacing around the house. The past year was filled with daytime sleeping and nighttime pacing. I still feel the urge to check his water dish. I miss the sound of his rabies tag clinking on his food dish around 4:00 PM.
Last night, I asked Dr. Mike Roizen if we could discuss the topic this morning during our weekly segment on the morning show. It was very hard to talk about, but I did. And it helped. The podcast of our conversation is below.
Cosmo was loved. He was fun. He was a handful at times. He got on the table once and ate all of the tacos. He got in the Hershey kisses dish once and caused a panic. He found a brownie in the neighbor's trash once and ate the whole thing. The brownie was laced with pot which made for a horrible night, but he survived. We all did. Not long after we got Cosmo, a German Sheppard picked him up by the neck. We didn't think he'd make it, but he did. We all did. Nearly 3 years ago, he was diagnosed with a tumor on his bladder. We didn't think he'd make it, but he did. We all did.
We said goodbye last Thursday. I'm hurting, but I'll survive. We were blessed to have him for 16 years. Our hearts are broken, but filled with such great memories. We loved Cosmo. I loved Cosmo. I can't believe he's gone. I miss him so much.